A jury in Houston, TX ruled today that Victoria Osteen, wifey of mega pastor Joel Osteen, did not give a flight attendant hemorrhoids.
Sharon Brown, the flight attendant, claimed crazy-eyed Victoria attacked her ass on a flight to Vail, CO. Sharon said that Victoria choked her ass and elbowed her in the tittay after a stain on her first-class seat wasn’t cleaned up quickly enough. Sharon said the attack gave her hemorrhoids, affected her faith and caused her anxiety. She wanted at least $405,000.
Outside of the court house, Joel Osteen flashed his teeth made of Wite-Out and said, “It’s a great vindication and shows us the faithfulness of God.” Oh shit. The clouds just turned when I read Joel’s statement. That’s God rolling his eyes.
Sharon was robbed! I believe Victoria gave her hemorrhoids. Look at that woman! She probably hypnotized the jury with her crazy eyes! Actually, methinks Victoria’s crazy eyes could also burn off Sharon’s hemorrhoids. They should look into that. And if you’ve never seen a picture of roids, click here (NO, DON’T!)