Jennifer Aniston’s fartytale romance with John Mayer has come to end, but she’s already back at it. According to The Sun, Jenny has been seen with 28-year-old model Matt Felker. Matt used to bump it with Selma Blair. He was also in Brit Brit’s video for “Toxic.”
Never date dudes who are prettier than you. They usually smell better than you too. I dated a dude once who was so pretty that he always smelled like fresh gardenias. I couldn’t explain it. Even after he showered. That’s probably what Zac Efron smells like. No, he smells like CoverGirl foundation, baby powder and John Travolta drool. Matt Felker smells like Cheetos, summer rain and cocoa butter.
Hopefully, Jenny is just using this dude to fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away until you get pains in your chocha. That didn’t make sense, but I’m not feeling well, so bare with me.
In other old maid news, The Chicago Sun-Times reports that Jenny is the one who called off her relationshp with John Mayer! It wasn’t the other way around. Jenny got sick of John cheating on her ass and she allowed him three fuck-ups.
Apparently, John effed a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his tour. His third strike came when he did grossy grossy times with a groupie. A source added, “Jen who decided to move on. She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. … Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.”
Since when is Jenny writing for The Chicago Sun-Times?