The Pastor’s Wife Gave Me Hemorrhoids!

August 6, 2008 / Posted by:

It’s the pastor’s wife versus the flight attendant with roids! Opening arguments are set to begin tomorrow in a lawsuit against Victoria Osteen, wife of toothy mega pastor Joel Osteen. A flight attendant who goes by the name of Sharon Brown, claims in a civil lawsuit that Victoria assaulted her ass on a flight to Vail, CO in 2005.

Sharon said that before the flight began Victoria flipped out over a stain on her first-class seat. Victoria became so angry that she threw Sharon up against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left tittay. That fight sounds kind of sexy, but then I look up at that picture of Victoria and it just kills the moment.

Sharon claims the incident affected her faith, caused her anxiety and even gave her hemorrhoids. Naturally.

She wants an apology from Victoria as well as punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of her net worth. So that means Sharon wants like trillions of dollars? Aren’t the Osteens richer than God?!

Victoria was already fined $3,000 by the FAA for fucking with a crew member.

Why don’t I ever get this kind of hot lawsuit when I go in for jury duty?! Seriously! Obviously, this is crazy bitch against crazy bitch. Which one is crazier? I’m gonna go with Sharon. Now if Victoria elbowed her in the right tittay instead, I would completely understand.

Joel Osteen is also expected to take the stand. He’s going to smile the whole way through. I want to see him say “hemorrhoids” with a smile.

And I think I’ve got a little hot tickle in my asshole just from looking at Victoria’s picture. The bitch does give you roids! There goes my social life for the week. Preparation H should hire her ass!

Source: HuffPo

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