The Empress Of Lucite Is On The Cover Of The National Enquirer!

August 6, 2008 / Posted by:

The Empress of Lucite has made the cover of The National Enquirer’sMost Elegant Women on the Planet” cover. Yes, I know it’s about plastic surgery nightmares, but they didn’t mean that! They couldn’t have. Shauna Sand is perfection personified. That picture was obviously doctored by some evil hater of all things elegant. Shauna’s stomach is not capable of looking like that. I’m sure she’s tried, because she’s sick of being so fucking gorgeous and she wants to fit in with the normal people of the world. I’m telling you. Natural beauty like Shauna’s is a curse. The Enquirer didn’t even show off her best feature – her exquisite lucite heels! WTF?!

Click her
e to see other pictures of Shauna in a bikini from that same set. I mean, all you see is perfection? Right? RIGHT?! May you choke on that Baby Ruth you’re scarfing down if you didn’t answer HELL YES to my question.

Somebody needs to put Shauna in touch with Phoebe Price. PP has been through this before. Do you remember cellugate? Chicken Cutlets will put Shauna in touch with the right “legal management team.” She will also get Shauna to deny the claims by going on every TV show from “The Insider” to “QVC’s Quaker Factory.” The Empress of Lucite’s good name must be cleared!

P.S. – Did Phyllis Diller’s face finally fall off or is that bacon?

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