Take That, People Magazine!

People Magazine may have 25 million pages of the diamond couple and their solid golden twins, but OK! Magazine has the ultra exclusive details of Jennifer Aniston’s dream wedding. And by “dream wedding” I mean it’s all just in her dreams. Seriously, the magazine claims Jenny is already planning her wedding to the mega douche named John Mayer.

A source said, “She’s at an age where she is thinking with her head not just her heart. No way would she still be with anyone if marriage wasn’t a real option. She doesn’t want anything elaborate or showy.” If she was thinking with her head, she would drug him, drive him to Vegas and elope!

Anyway, I’m sure Jennifer has been planning her second wedding for ages. She even cleared out half of her anti-Brangelina shrine room to devote to her wedding planning. While you spend your weekend doing hood rat stuff, she sits in her room scouring through bridal magazines and watching hours and hours of “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” I’ll admit it, I watch way too much of that show.

When things got really serious with John. Instead of introducing him to her close friends and family, she showed him her wedding planning room.

And what’s with the “Finally over Brad“? They really know how to dick slap a bitch without actually dick slapping them, which is really sad. If I’m going to get dick slapped, a dick better be involved.