The Troll Knows Nothing!

August 4, 2008 / Posted by:

Does this look like the kind of troll that would tell a lie? YES! All trolls lie. They lie and eat children. They also say “prune” every time they take a picture. Seriously, I hate that every picture I see of a Trollsen, I picture them saying “prune.” I hate prunes! They make your ass vomit uncontrollably.

Anyway, the NY Post published a story claiming the feds want to speak to Mary-Kate Olsen about Heath Ledger’s death, specifically how he got a hold of OxyContin. MK agreed to only talk to their asses if they granted her immunity.

Her lawyer issued this statement in response:

Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger’s home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them

Regarding the Government’s investigation, at Ms. Olsen’s request, we have provided the Government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger’s death and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.

We don’t know the source of the information being quoted in the media regarding the Government’s inquiry, but these descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate.”

Okay, so she doesn’t know anything, but she won’t go and talk to the feds in person without getting immunity? Oh, I see what’s going on here. The feds need to learn how to do things the “Trollsen” way. They have to ask her troll ass a riddle. If they confuse her, she’ll them what she knows. If she answers the riddle correctly, they have to let her nibble on their toe nails.

P.S. – Don’t even think of e-mailing me with (read this in a know-it-all voice) “By the way, that’s Ashley in the pic.” Who gives a whale’s penis about that shit!? It could be Ashley, it could be MK. It could also be my left nutsack for all I care! Save it!

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