Dear Oprah, Can I Have Some Money?

August 4, 2008 / Posted by:

You already know this, but I’ll tell you anyway. Oprah richer than all of us combined times a hundred. Shit, times a hundred thousand. TVGuide has put out their annual list of the riches whores in television and it’s no surprise that Oprah came out on top.

She reportedly makes $385 million a year in TV shit ALONE. No wonder Gayle King has stuck around so long. I’d lick Oprah’s vag sweat too if she gave me even 1% of her fortune.

What the hell do you do with all that money? I mean, I feel like we should all get together and sue her for some stupid reason. We can sue her for being too rich. Her wealth has caused us to feel bad about ourselves and we can’t work because of it. She’ll probably settle right away. Then we can take our settlement, buy an island, build a lucite mansion with a chicken cutlet garden, hire a dozen cholitas to entertain us and live the rest of our lives in heavenly bliss. Make it happen.

Other dumb skanks on the list include:

Simon Cowell – $50 million a year
David Letterman – $35 million a year
Charlie Sheen – $825k per episode for “Two and a Half Men
William Peterson – $600k per episode for “CSI
Mariska Hargitay – $400k per episode for “Law & Order: SVU
The Simpsons cast – $400k per episode
Kyra Sedgwick – $275k per episode for “The Closer

Screw all of those whores! They may have a ton of money, but they don’t have what we have. Oh, who am I fooling? Money is everything.

VIA UsWeekly

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