The Photoshop Awards: Jessica Simpson On Elle

July 31, 2008 / Posted by:

In order for this cover to work, Elle needed to put even more text over Jessica’s face and body. Actually, they should have just left Jessica out and covered the whole thing in words.

This is some major fuckery right here! Jessica’s waist hasn’t looked like that since birth! I know she wants to be cuntry and all, but this is overkill. They might as well have put a ten-gallon on her fugly head with the words “YEE HAW!” splattered over the cover.

In addition to giving them a truly fugly cover, Jessica talked to Elle about being a victim of abuse, “There’s nothing on my album that you’re gonna hear that I don’t relate to or that I haven’t experienced. Because the only way I know how to sing is from life experience. I don’t want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run.” Cut to all eyes moving to Daddy Joe shifting in his seat, biting his fingernails, and blinking like a guilty hooker with Tourettes.

And Jessica is a major liar! She said that forgetting the words to “9 to 5″ while singing for the president and Dolly Parton changed her life, “Anyway, I broke down and said I’m sorry in front of the whole audience. My dad was there. I looked him in the face and said, ‘I will never sing again.’

But she did sing again…. Big tittied liar mouth!

Source: Sweet Kisses

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