No Condoms For Miley

July 28, 2008 / Posted by:

LifeStyles Condoms has offered 15-year-old Miley Cyrus $1 million to be the new “face” of their product. They think that Miley, a self-proclaimed virgin, could encourage other teens to practice safe sex.

The VP of marketing for LifeStyles told Full Disclosure, “With recent reports showing that one out of four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set. ve that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set – and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America.”

In addition to the $1 million, LifeStyles also offered her a lifetime supply of condoms. A spokesbitch for Miley said they aren’t interested and it’s never going to happen.

This isn’t a bad idea. Miley could get Disney involved too. You know how they have those cutesy Disney band-aids? They can do the same thing for condoms and give them cute names like Winnie the Lube or Crurubber de Vil.

I’ve never used LifeStyles so I couldn’t say if a lifetime supply would be worth it. I’m strictly Trojan. And if there aren’t any Trojans around, I’ll just use a sandwich baggie, a rubber band and some vaseline. You know, the “KFed” method. What am I saying? He doesn’t use condoms.

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