When something in your house breaks, a normal person would kick it or call it a “stupid cunt.” Not Keith Walendowski from Milwaukee. When his lawn mower didn’t start, he shot the bitch. You know he probably yelled, “Godamn stupid fucking lawn damn fucking mower!” when he shot at it.
One of Keith’s lady friends, who lives with him, called the po po and got her old man arrested. What a bitch! He was probably interrupting her favorite “Mama’s Family” re-run.
Keith was arrested and charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed. When asked why he shot the lawn mower, he said (read this with a raspy slur) “I can do that, it’s my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want.” Pepaw has a point.
Keefs (that’s probably what his friends call him because they are all drunks) faces up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.
Keef’s lady friend also told the police he was drunk at the time. You fucking think? Just from looking at his mug shot, I can smell the mixture of Early Times whiskey and Pall Malls.
That being said, I wouldn’t hit it. Shocking, eh? Okay, I’m lying. I totally would if he shared some of his Early Times with me.
Thanks Carol Ann