Wino In Wax

July 23, 2008 / Posted by:

Amy Wino’s wax figure was unveiled today in London and the Crackie of Camden wasn’t there, but her parents were. Ugh. They are such attention whores. I thought Mitch Wino was on his death bed or some shit? He had a miraculous recovery when he found out there was going to be cameras there.

Anyway, he told reporters that Wino is doing well, she’s sad about Blaaake not coming home and blah..blah..blah.. He also joked about her wax figure, “Yeah, it’s great. We just said we’re going to take this one home with us and send the real one back.” He’s not joking.

If you ask me, the wax figure looks nothing like Wino! Her wax skin isn’t falling off! Where’s her signature crack pox? Where’s her cat poo stained ballet slippers, her raggedy gold belt, her crackie coochie cutters and her burnt up fingers? This is not exact likeness! Wino didn’t even look this clean when she was a baby. They could have at least put a crackpipe in one hand and an ice pop in the other.

Do you think that if you press her belly button, she screams “Blaaaaaaaaaake“? I should fucking hope so.

They also better be 24-hour security around this thing. Wino is going to break in, steal it and then try to smoke it up. You know it’s her life-long dream to smoke herself up.

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