I’m Moving In With Lisa Marie’s Brother

Did you know Lisa Marie Presley had a brother? Did you even give a fuck? Well, she does and he’s a big ass drug dealer. Party at Brother Presley’s house! I have a few friends that would sell their mother just for 7 minutes in that bedroom closet. 7 minutes in heaven!

The National Enquirer is not right for putting the text, “Shocking Photos That Could Destroy The Family” over a fug ass picture of Priscilla Presley’s plastic face. Anyway, I’ll be moving to Brother Presley’s house as soon as I figure out where he lives.

This week, the Enquirer also has a story about Lynn Spears’ “tragic secret.” In 1975, when Lynne Spears was 20, she hit a 12-year-old boy with her car. He died. A family member said, “To this day, Lynne hasn’t gotten over what she did. She gets that terrified look in her eye when she is thinking about it.”

Lynne’s rep confirmed the story, “It bothers Lynne still to this day. She really doesn’t like to talk about it. She just wanted to forget that it ever happened – but she can’t.”

The Spears family can always count on one of their own to spill secrets for a quick buck.

Image: Cover Awards