This is the worst fucking Monday ever. I woke up with a hangover and I didn’t even booze last night, my air conditioning is about to go on strike, my TV is acting wonk, I just ate the last Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake ice cream bar and now I find out that some skank is knocked up with Pharrell Williams’ baby. And that skank is not me. Tuesday can’t come sooner.
Page Six reports that Pharrell knocked up some model-type. I hope the skank gets really fat. I hope she gets fucking obese. I hope she gets cankles in her arms. A friend of Pharrell’s said the whore is really pregnant, “Pharrell is extremely private and won’t release any details.”
This shit isn’t right. Although, I think I just got pregnant from looking at a picture of his sexy weasel face. If I am pregnant, I’m going to hit him up hard for child support. And by “child support,” I mean sexual favors.