The Twin Messiahs Are Out

July 19, 2008 / Posted by:

Put down that fucking chocolate croissant and pay attention. Saint Angelina and the twin messiahs have been released from their hospital chambers in France to embark on their world tour. The pope has cancelled all of his travel plans and has given Saint Angelina and the chosen ones use of his pope mobile. Seriously, Angie Jo left the hospital this morning after giving birth a week ago. She needed the week to get lipo, a tummy tuck and a titty lift recover.

Angie Jo, Hard Knox and Vivi managed to beat the paparazzi rush and slipped out around 4 a.m. They joined the rest of the Brangelina holy family at Chateau Miraval. Paps were stationed on roof tops near the hospital, thinking that Angie would fly away in a helicopter.

One witness told People, “This group of people got into the van, very quickly. . . . It was all done in a hurry. And they were very quick organizing themselves inside. Very rapid. And then ‘Pouf!’ they were gone” DUH! That’s how saints do it. They disappeared in a cloud of holy smoke and all that was left was a feather from Hard Knox’s angel wings.

You know, I was really hoping some slick pap would get a clear picture of the chosen ones. That would have totally effed up their multi-million dollar picture deal. Quick! Somebody text Maddox and offer him a Hoveround in exchange for poloraids of the golden twins. That shit would make a kick ass default picture for my Facebook profile.

Image: Gallery of the AbsurdSource

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