It Takes A Lot Of Money To Look This Boring

Jenny Aniston drops $20,000 a month on beauty treatments to maintain her looks. Don’t laugh! A source told The National Enquirer that ever since she started doing fuckey times with John Mayer, she’s been overspending on her appearance.

A friend claims Jenny gets private yoga lessons 3 times a week, employs a completely organic private chef and gets anti-cellulite treatments once a month. The friend said, “Jen is doing whatever it takes to hold back time – short of plastic surgery. Jen is insecure about her legs, so she goes for anti-cellulite spa sculpting treatments twice a month. They cost $1,000 a session, but Jen swears that the sculpting keeps her skin supple and smooth. She calls the treatments ‘necessary tune-ups.”

Bullshit! She’s not spending $20k a month on “treatments.”

She spends $10,000 a month on a monthly supply of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood. She spends $5,000 a month on weekly make-out sessions with James Haven. And she pays Maddox $5,000 a month to call her once a month and say, “You are the most beautiful mother in the world. I loves you.” Sometimes Maddox messes up and screams “SIKE” at the end of the call. She takes off $1,000 from his paycheck when he does that. Hey, she figures if all that shit works for Saint Angelina, it will work for her.

Here’s some pictures of Jenny walking to her SUV in Los Angeles and John walking to his SUV in NYC. Thrilling.