According to InTouch Weekly, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are no longer licking each other’s pussies. Miranda has apparently already picked herself up a rebound and his name is Greasy Bear aka Fat Elvis aka Brandon Davis. SUCIO! You would save money on lube by fucking Greasy Bear, but your dignity would never be the same. That’s if you have dignity in the first place.
Miranda and Greasy Bear reportedly did fuckey fuckey times back in November but they both denied it. Recently, they were spotted “canoodling” at two clubs in NYC. Canoodling with Greasy Bear must be like taking a vaseline shower.
A witness said, “They were full on making out. They didn’t seem to care who saw.” A source said that Miranda always goes to Greasy Bear when she has a fight with Orlando. Her spokesbitch denies she’s split with Orlando.
I mean, how does one even start fucking Greasy Bear? Did she slip on his greasy puddle and accidentally land on his dick made of lard? I’m the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn’t get with that. Ok…..I lie. I’d lick the tip, but just because I like the taste of Crisco.