Reese Is The HBIC

July 15, 2008 / Posted by:

When Jakey Poo moved into Reese Witherspoon’s house, she immediately gave him a few ground rules. She told him that he couldn’t have any boys after midnight, he has to wash his ass dildos after every use and he can only blast ABBA on Saturday afternoons.

A source told Star (via MSNBC) she also give him a few other rules, “Some of (the things she insists on) are run-of-the-mill. He has to take off his shoes when he’s in the house; trash must be taken out when the can is three-quarters full; and no feet on the coffee table.” Take out the trash? Um, doesn’t she have a maid? And if she doesn’t have a maid, that’s what kids are fucking for.

Speaking of the word “fucking,” Jakey Poo can’t use it word anymore. The source went on to say, “Jake used to swear like a sailor, but not anymore. If he does, he has to apologize.” Boring! Who’s going to teach the kids important words like cunt and slutbag? I bet Reese has one of those annoying swear jars where you have to give a dollar if you curse. I’d be fuckity fucked. Poor Jakey Poo. You know he loves saying, “Bitch, please” and now he can’t.

Strict ass Reese also forces her family to eat at the dinner table and to tell each other in advance if they have other dinner plans. Reese is such a mom! And who the hell wants to eat at the dinner table unless there’s a big TV in front of it!?

According to the source, Jakey Poo apparently loves all the rules. He would. He’s a total sub.

Here’s some pictures of floppy haired Jakey Poo in Paris with Mom Reese and her kids.

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