Anthony Kiedis Is Single

July 12, 2008 / Posted by:

Mega man-whore Anthony Kiedis and his chick of 3 years, Heather Christie, have thrown in the towel. Wait, does that towel still have Anthony’s sweat on it, because if it does, hand it over. Anyway, People reports that they split in June.

Heather, a 22-year-old ex-model, is also the mother of his son, Everly Bear. I’ve always loved that name. It sounds like the missing Care Bear who spent his life being a groupie for the Everly Brothers. We should all name our kids after Care Bears. I’m taking Funshine Bear, so don’t even think of it.

Heather told People, “Anthony is a great dad and I will love him forever for giving me the gift of life. I really hope he finds what he’s looking for.” She also forgot to thank him for giving her a serious case of herpes. I’m joking (I think).

Anthony won’t stay single for long. I’m sure he’ll be linked to some teenage child model any day now.

And I wonder who got to keep their optometrist? You can’t share the same optometrist when you break up. That’s just gross.

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