Why oh why did I read this News of the World interview with Mini-Me’s sexy times tape co-star?! Especially on a Monday morning.
You know, I’m all for midget sex! Throwing Mini-Me up in the air to see if he lands in your no-no hole sounds like it could be fun. I just don’t want to know all the little details! Actually, I do, but I’m a glutton for punishment. Here’s just some of the things Ranae Shrider had to say about sexy times with Mini-Me:
on sexual positions:
“I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!”
These are some non-creative bitches! They could’ve gotten a baby trapeze for Mini-Me to swing on. That way he could hit it from the back.
on Mini-Me’s mini-me:
“It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big.”
Um….couldn’t he just put the condom over his entire body? FUCK! This bitch is so stupid! Oh and she’s totally going to have Mini-Me babies now.
on Mini-Me’s sexual appetite (cover your eyes):
“It was strange having sex with someone who couldn’t reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over. But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing.”
Do you think he has mini jizz loads too?
on almost drowning Mini-Me:
“I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub. Sadly I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn’t see him. Verne’s voice is just like it is in the films and as he disappeared under the water, I heard this tiny yelp for help. I could just hear him crying, ‘Ranae, I can’t see! Get me out, I’m drowning!’
I hope that scene makes it into the sexy times tape. Pure comedy. Seriously though, she could have prevented this by using one of those toddler tubs.
You can read the rest of the interview here. Just make sure you read it on an empty stomach.