This Isn’t Going To Last

July 7, 2008 / Posted by:

New boring couple alert! 20-year-old model Lily Cole was caught leaving Jude Law’s pad in London yesterday morning after spending the night. What a slut! At least she doesn’t have dried man chowder in her hair. That happened to me once and I had to tell everyone it was dried-up “cheap hair gel.”

According to the Mirror, Lily has been boinking 35-year-old Jude for the past two weeks.

Last week, creepy-doll-faced Lily and bald-headed Jude went to a Radiohead concert together. A witness said they were surprised to see 5’10” Lily “towering over” Jude. I’m assuming Lily was wearing heels, because Jude is 5’10” himself. Jude is going to have to call up Tommy Girl to get the number for his platform shoe maker.

On Saturday night, the two were spotted having a romantic dinner. A witness said, “There was no blatant kissing but it was obvious they were more than just friends. Jude was being very affectionate and gazing into her eyes.” Never trust someone who “gazes” into your eyes. The last dude that “gazed” into my eyes, ended up dognapping my pooch and throwing me out of a moving car. Those types can never be trusted.

Lily and Jude are going to last a quick minute. Jude is a mega man whore to the tenth degree. His heart shouldn’t write checks that his dick can’t cash! I’m not sure if that made any sense, but leave me alone! It’s Monday fucking morning.

Images: Mr. Paparazzi

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