Happy Birfday Tommy Girl! Now Go Buy Some Tickets To Your Beard’s Bore Show!

July 3, 2008 / Posted by:

46 years ago, mortals were punished for their many sins by receiving a gift named Thomas Cruise Mapother IV. We are still being punished, because the bitch is still here! He just won’t go away. Who knew crazy came in such small packages. Anyway, Tommy Girl will probably celebrate this special day with a game of “Pin the Peen on Tommy’s Ass.” Instead of doing that, he should really celebrate it by buying thousands of tickets for all his alien friends to his robot wifey’s Broadway debut.

Performances for Katie Holmes in “All My Sons” start in September and bitches could care less. According to the NY Post, less than $1 million worth of tickets have been sold. Brokers bought thousands of tickets, thinking the run would sell out within a few days.

Just for the sake of comparision, Nicky Kidman sold $4 million in advance sales when she starred in “The Blue Room” back in 1998. In Katie’s defense, Nicky got nekkid in the play. Thankfully, Katie is keeping her robot parts to herself. I don’t know about you, but red and blue loose wires do nothing for me.

All My Sons” also stars John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest and Patrick Wilson.

As the wise Ouiser Boudreaux from Steel Magnolas once said, “I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free.” I mean, this shit costs $110! $110 for Katie? NO! $110 for Suri? YES! Producers hired the wrong Cruise.

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