Sad News For Starbuckers

July 2, 2008 / Posted by:

I’m going to try and achieve the impossible by not mentioning a certain “Cheeto-loving redneck” in this post about Starbucks. I will probably grit my teeth down to little razors by the end of this post, but I like a good challenge. Oh and I also love a good chola picture. These stunning chola beauties look so happy holding their $5 coffees. They have no idea what’s coming….

Starfucks announced that they will be closing 600 stores and cutting 12,000 jobs due. Don’t worry, there’s still ten million Starbucks shacks for you to choose from. In January, they announced they were only closing around 100 stores. The HBIC of Starbucks said they are mostly closing locations near another Starbucks. Great, this means I won’t be able to get a $10 Venti Frapp on every other corner anymore? What in the shit shit am I going to do?

Wait….I just realized that not only 600 Starbucks are closing, but also 600 available bathrooms. FUCK! Starbucks is one of the only joints that has a public bathroom that doesn’t look and smell like Tommy Girl’s sex dungeon.

And guess what?! I didn’t mention “you know who” in this entire post! A Frapp pop for me! I’m not going to lie. Their Frapp pops are pretty fucking delicious.

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