Bitch Didn’t Waste Any Time

Something tells me Stella Doreen’s umbilical chord is still attached in these pictures. Baby Stella D went from Tori the Hutt’s snatch (shudder) straight to the photo studio. There was no time to deal with pesky medical shit. Tori the Hutt and her creepy husband have bills to pay!

Yes, that’s little Stella Doreen with her raptor-faced mommy on the cover of OK! Magazine. Stella D looks like a precious, Photoshopped golden raisin. I mean, can she even open her eyes yet?! Somebody tell Stella that it’s best she keeps her eyes closed. She’s much too young and innocent to deal with Tori the Hutt’s fugly ass mug.

Tori told OK! that Stella D was an accident. A happy accident. She said, “I was on one pill and wasn’t feeling well, so I went off of it. Two days later, the doctor put me on another, and on that one day, we conceived. It was meant to be!” Wait, so Tori the Hutt and creepy husband do sexay times? Waitress! Another ten cups of coffee please!

Tori also talked about the first time she saw her little Stella, “My first thought was, ‘My god, she’s so beautiful. My second thought was, ‘Oh my god, she has black hair! Where did that come from?’ [laughs] Liam has blonde hair and is very fair. She was born with black hair, very tan.”

Uh…oh…Tori the Hutt has been bumping genitals with the mail man. And she had a tan baby?! MiserAlba’s going to be pissed!!!