Cage Fight!

Grab the oil, bikini thongs and Ben Gay! Clint Eastwood and Spike Lee are about to cage fight. Spike Lee recently criticized Clint for not including one African-American soldier in two of his war movies, “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Letters From Iwa Gima.”

While promoting his own war film, “Miracle St. Anna,” Spike told reporters, “Clint Eastwood made two films about Iwo Jima that ran for more than four hours total, and there was not one Negro actor on the screen. If you reporters had any balls you’d ask him why. There’s no way I know why he did that … But I know it was pointed out to him and that he could have changed it. It’s not like he didn’t know.”

And what did Clint’s hot pepaw ass have to say about this? “The story is Flags of Our Fathers, the famous flag-raising picture, and they didn’t do that. If I go ahead and put an African-American actor in there, people’d go: ‘This guy’s lost his mind.’ I mean, it’s not accurate. A guy like him should shut his face.” SHUT HIS FACE?! Hurry, get the cage! The fight is upon us.

Clint went on to tell the Guardian, “I’m playing it the way I read it historically, and that’s the way it is. When I do a movie and it’s 90% black, like Bird, then I use 90% black people. He was complaining when I did Bird. Why would a white guy be doing that? I was the only guy who made it, that’s why. He could have gone ahead and made it. Instead he was making something else.”

Damn! Clint sounds mad. I can almost hear his dentures chattering in anger. Once again, the only way to settle this is with a oil cage fight. It’s the only way! My dollars are on Clint. He’s one feisty pepaw.