Kiki Is Depressed

Kiki Dunst checked into rehab earlier this year and everybody thought it had something to do with her boozing ways. I mean, the girl likes to drink. Kiki told E!’s Marc Malkin that she went to rehab because she was really, really sad.

She said, “I went there for depression. It was a good six months before I decided to go away. I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn’t know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge.”

Cirque Lodge is mainly a rehab joint for crackheads and boozers.

Everyone I know goes to the bar when they’re depressed. And if you’re depressed enough, you’re always at the bar, which means you’re always drunk, which means you’ll eventually need rehab. See how that works?

Kiki went on to say, “Depression is pretty serious and should not be gossiped about.” Bossy! She had me actually feeling sowwy for her mushy ass until she made that comment. I was this close to sending her cream-filled gingersnaps. Thanks for snapping me back into reality, Kiki.

She also denied the rumors that she’s dating Ryan Gosling. That’s not something you should ever deny. Bitch if hot. Even if you aren’t dating him. Just lie and say you are.