The Hogans Really Care

May 23, 2008 / Posted by:

First of all, I love the lady in the middle of those two leathery assholes in the picture above. She’s hot. Anyway……

TMZ got a hold of several taped phone conversations between Nick Hogan and his family from jail. Yes, they tape that shit in jail, so keep your mouth shut the next you get arrested for DUI or prostitution. I know how you do it.

In one conversation with his mother, Nick starts balling like a hungry baby, because he wants to go outside. He doesn’t even have a window! How am I going to sleep tonight knowing that poor Nick Hogan can’t even look at the moon?

I’m sure the real reason he’s crying has to do with his newly raw asshole. It’s ok, Nick. The pain goes away after a few days. I’m speaking from experience, of course.

Nick also says that it’s unfair he’s in jail for a “car accident.” He fails to mention the fact that his so-called best friend, John Graziano, is in a permanent vegetative state thanks to him. Click here to hear that conversation.

Even worse is a conversation Nick had with his daddy about John Graziano. Hulk actually said, “God laid some heavy shit on that kid, I don’t know what he was into.” Nick responds with, “He was a negative person.” Nick quickly changes the subject by talking about some stupid ass reality project. Click here to hear that conversation

Eeesh. These chewed up pieces of jerky acted like they were so concerned during Nick’s hearing. They cried about how John was a son to them and blah…blah…blah… Are they for real? We all know the answer to that one.

On that note, it’s boozing time! I’ll make sure to NOT think of Nick crying for mommy’s fake bosom in his teeny tiny cell while I’m downing my 5th martini.

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