“Sex And The City” Turns 14-Year-Olds Into Sluts

May 22, 2008 / Posted by:

A girl named “Lisa” claims the character of Samantha on “Sex and the City” turned her into a 14-year-old slut. The Long Island, NY native started watching the show when she was 14, the same year she lost her virginity. She quickly began ordering cosmos in bars she snuck into and cheated on her boyfriend with around seven dudes in just one week.

Lisa, now 22, told ABC News, “When you’re that age you try to emulate people on TV. Carrie smoked, so I smoked, Samantha looked at hooking up with random people as not a big deal, so that’s what I did too. It wasn’t ‘Sex and the City’s’ fault. I love the show, but I think it made it a little easier to justify my behavior.

Lisa said her obsession with the show became so intense that she even re-enacted one Samantha scene in her own life. In the scene, a dude cums in Samantha’s mouth and his junk doesn’t taste good. She tells the dude that his jizz is rotten. Lisa did the same thing, “That was something that happened to me. I used her exact words: ‘You have funky spunk.’ I knew from watching the show that it had to do with something he was eating.

At the age of 19, Lisa dumped her skank ways. She moved to Utah, became a Mormon, married some dude and had two kids. Her new husband, also a Mormon, doesn’t let her watch the show anymore. She later sold her DVDs on eBay and said everything’s OK now.

Eh, she would’ve done that shit anyway. That’s like blaming Blanche Deveraux and “The Golden Girls” reruns for turning me into a teen whore bag. Wait, I did enjoy wearing feathered robes while romancing my lovers. I also developed a strange craving for cheesecake. Maybe Blanche did have something to do with it. There’s a lawsuit there somewhere.

I’m guessing Lisa is actually some 45-year-old publicist from HBO named Albert. I mean, the SATC PR machine is in full gear. They are working every angle.

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