Jackie Stallone, mother of Sly, has been made a Dame! Dame of the Order of St Stanislaus to be exact. Jackie received the honor at a ceremony in Kiev for her achievements in ass astrology. No, she received the medal in recognition of her concern for the wellbeing of others.
Seriously, Jackie can read asses. All you have to do is send Jackie a picture of your ass (I know you already have one on file) and she’ll do a complete reading on it. I would do it, but I already know what she’s going to say, “Your ass is doomed. Sorry. There’s no saving it. It’s been through too much.”
Below are pictures from Jackie’s ceremony. What the hell kind of ceremony was this? Look at these people! She looks like she received the Order of the Leather Harness. That doesn’t look like Kiev. It looks like the Castro section of San Francisco.