Which One Of These Hobags Won American Idol?

May 21, 2008 / Posted by:

YO MAMA! Yo mama probably would make for a better winner. Anway, find out who won this dog and pony show after the jump. JUMP!!!!

Oh shit! David Cook took candy away from a baby (David Archuleta) and won this motherfucker. I’m seriously saying a few silent prayers tonight for Fetus Archuleta. He’s not my thing, but I’m cringing just thinking about the beat downs that are coming his way. You know his daddy is getting his belt ready.

The look on the face of Archuleta’s sissy says it all!

She’s already mourning the loss of her brother, because she knows her daddy isn’t going to be kind to him for losing. I hope that right after Cook was announced as the winner, Archuleta ran backstage, broke his piggy bank and headed for the bus station. Run Fetus! RUN!!!

As for the rest of the show…..HOMO EXTRAVAGANZA! You know how Simon always compares bad performances to “cruise ship performances.” This shit was epitome of cruise ship entertainment! Entertainment on a fucking gay cruise. Seriously, the ship would sink to the ground from all the gayness on that stage tonight. Out of control!

And the real winner of the night was Skunk Head!

This bitch could give a fuck! I loved how she sort of half-danced around and barely moved. She wanted to be in her local bar, drinking some moonshine and dirty dancing on some fat cowboy. Anywhere but on that Idol stage. She made my fucking night. Well, vodka really made my night, but she comes in second.

So, that’s that! There are no losers……scratch that. I’m a fucking loser, because I devoted umpteen hours to this shit show! And you know what? I’ll devote a million more when the next season starts. I’m a glutton for punishment, awful singing, horrible dancing and Paula Abdul! Oh how I’m going to miss that drunken fool.

There’s still so much to talk about. I might do a few more Idol posts tomorrow, but I seriously need to detox from this shit. I’m drunk and I’m spent. Gooooodnight!

Click here to see the video of David Cook being announced as the winner and Fetus realizing that his days are numbered!

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