The Bachelorette: A House Of Tools

DeAnna Pappas is back looking for love as “The Bachelorette.” The show came back for its 4th seasons last night and I’m probably the only one who watched it.

I liked DeAnna when she got her heart torn to shreds by Brad on “The Bachelor,” but I can’t stand her ass anymore. They might as well have gotten a talking mannequin. The show isn’t about the bachelorette, it’s about the douche bags that are trying to win her love.

Most of these dudes are busted in the face! I mean, I would only do about 20 out of 25 of them and that’s saying a lot, because I’ll do anyone. There wasn’t even that much drunken shenanigans! I mean, one dude jumped into the pool and then took off his clothes revealing a bikini with DeAnna’s name on it. Unfortunately, he was a midget with a hatchet face! Of course, DeAnna kept him around.

She didn’t keep my favorite dude, the oyster farmer. He’s the only gentleman to give DeAnna a pearl necklace upon meeting her. He gave her a pearl necklace and she eliminated him! What a bitch. When a dude gives me a pearl necklace, I usually give him my checkbook. Dickmatized.

In the clip above, one of my other favorite dudes, Greg, shows DeAnna what she’s missing after she eliminates him. Seriously, she’s missing out. I’m sure he can crush beer cans with his ass cheeks and burp “Free Bird” too. Swooooon.