American Idol: Are We There Yet?

May 14, 2008 / Posted by:

When is this madness ending?! Yes, I know I don’t have to watch American Idol, but I DO have to watch it. I’ve come this far and I have to finish what I’ve started even if my soul suffers. It’s like a bad relationship. I have to see it through until the end. Thankfully, the end is near!

David Archuleta is so white that he’s practically transparent. This is why he should NEVER say or sing the words “my boo” or “little mama.” This is what happens when daddy isn’t in charge. David ends up singing songs like Chris Brown’s With You. My abuelita could have sang that shit with more soul and she would have backed it up and dropped it low.

Dlisted reader Kristin wrote this to me recently, “I think the problem with David Archuleta is that he hasn’t lost his baby teeth yet.” Kristin is right. I don’t think he’s gone through puberty yet. Shit, I don’t think he ever will! Whenever he sings love songs, he’s probably singing them to his pet turtle.

Basically, Syesha Mercado’s twat could have sang the “Star Spangled Banner” on pitch and she still will be going home tonight. The poor thing doesn’t have a chance in Paula Abdul hell to make it to the final 2.

Hopefully, I’m wrong and Syesha stays tonight. I would love to see the smug look on David Cook’s face get slapped off by Gaycrest. It won’t happen. Syesha is done. This time next year, she’ll be the first standby in a dinner theater production of The Wiz.

Here’s David Archuleta doing something he should never EVER do again.

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