American Idol: Life Sucks For Carly

April 24, 2008 / Posted by:

Oh well! Carly Hennessey…I mean, Smithson or whatever the fuck her name is, was given the heave ho off of “American Idol” last night. Of course, Carly was the only one that I could stand to watch. I’m not missing the bitch. Her teeth were starting to scare me anyway.

This is what happened. Bitch sang “Jesus Christ Superstar” and the redneck Christians did not like that shit one bit. They thought it was dark-sided, so they stayed away from her ass. That’s that.

Brooke White is officially the new Kristy Lee Cook. That ho should have gone! We’ve already seen what she can do and I’ve seen better “coffee house girl angst” music from Phoebe on “Friends.” I bet you Brooke White can’t do Smelly Cat the same way Phoebe can. Next week is Neil Diamond week and I don’t think my ears or eyes are ready to see Brooke do something like Sweet Caroline. NO! All the blunts in the world could not make that pleasing.

Basically, Jason, Brooke and Syesha will be killed off one by one in the next few weeks. David “Smug” Cook and Fetus Archuleta are the final 2.

It Fetus Archuleta does not win, the tweens of the country will declare war on us all. Their hormones can’t take it. Archuleta fans are the new Brangaloonies. These little bitches are insane. Seriously, check YouTube for their fan videos. I hope most of them get their periods soon, because they need to chill the fuck out. I can’t stand David Cook either, but I hope he wins just so Fetus Archuleta can give us another expression when he loses. Every week, he gives us the same “golly gee” grin. He’s like Cecil Turtle. Somebody tell him that if he doesn’t give us another expression this week, his daddy is going to beat his ass good!

Elimination video is below:

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