American Idol: That Shit Was Painful

April 23, 2008 / Posted by:

Can they please ban these American Idol twits from doing songs from musicals? Ban it forever! Even all the pills in Paula Abdul’s system couldn’t cheer her up during last night’s shit show. The only one that didn’t make me wish a bomb would hit the studio was Carly Smithson’s Jesus Christ Superstar.” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve heard better versions in Orange County community theater productions, but still.

I also found someone to direct my hate towards now that Kristy Lee Cook is dead and buried. BROOKE WHITE! That bitch! I swear, I’m so sick of her staring at me with that “I’m so sowwwwwy” look. Last night, she sang “You Must Love Me” from Evita. If you make Madonna sound good, you have major issues and should reconsider your path in life. Brooke also had her second false start of the season. She forgot the words at the beginning and had to stop. Paula was not having it. If Paula wasn’t sedated, she probably would have jumped the table and beat more tears out of Brooke. Seriously, how can one person cry so much? Brooke needs a drought already.

And Jason Castro needs to lay off the bong during rehearsals! He sang “Memory” from Cats and said to Andrew Lloyd Webber, “I didn’t know this song was song by a cat.” Um…the show it’s from is called CATS! Not fucking LIZARDS. Pot can be your best friend most of the time, but sometimes it plays dirty tricks on you for laughs.

So…this week is pretty simple. Bottom 3:

Syesha Mercado: This bitch isn’t gone yet?
Jason Castro: The stoner charm is wearing off
Brooke White: Can’t wait for the fountain of tears when she’s finally voted out tonight. She’s going to start cutting herself on stage. Chick is too much.

And that’s that! I hope they slowly torture Brooke, because it might be the last time we see her “pained” expression and they should make it count.

Above is Brooke’s hideous performance and below is Jason’s stoner version of Memory. It’s pretty ironic that the stoner sang a song about memories since he probably can’t remember any of his.

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