Wino Is Afraid Of Losing Her Gorgeous Looks

Don’t laugh! In Wino’s crackhead mind, she believes she looks like Cindy Crawford or some shit. A crack rock will straight-up lie to your face!

Wino is telling friends that she just can’t stop putting the white shit up her nose. The News of the World claims Wino was at some party where she was doing line after line. After she finished dusting up the coke mirror, she complained to friends that she really needs to quit drugs. I’m sure their laughs could be heard in fucking Scotland.

Wino apparently told her pals, “I’ve been told I’ll lose my looks over this—but I can’t give it up! I’m told my scars might never heal. My dermatologist says it’s a result of the drugs and it could spread to other parts of my body if I don’t quit. What will I do if I lose my looks? Blake will never love me like that.”

And let’s laugh some more! Wino need not worry about Blaaaaaake every leaving her. He’ll gladly suck the puss out of her crack pox as long as she keeps paying his way. It probably tastes like squab.

Wino’s friend said that after her little sob story, she went to the bathroom to do more lines. The friend caught a glimpse of her in the open door, “It’s sad to see one of Britain’s hottest talents kneeling on the floor of a bog and snorting drugs. She dabbed up the last few bits of powder, making sure she got every last bit, from the lid.”

WTF is a bog? The bathroom was in the swamp? What kind of goddamn apartment was this? Yes…yes…I know…bog is slang for toilet. Just let me have my fun in picturing Wino snorting coke with Swamp Thing. I hear he’s a massive junkie.