Will the American Idol producers please ban Kristy Like Cocks from singing songs about America or God! PLEASE! Last night, she sang Anyway by Martina McBride. The moment she opened her lips and she sang, “God is great…” I knew millions were putting their bibles away and reaching for their rotary telephones to somehow find a way to vote for Kristy Lee. They might have even driven their Chevy Chevettes down to the Piggly Wiggly to use a touch-tone phone.
If this ho wins, I swear I will tattoo “Kristy Lee Cook is the greatest snatch of all time” on my ass. She will be the greatest snatch of all time if she pulls off this win.
Last night was truly a night of bores. Sappy song after sappy song. It’s episodes like this that I wish Danny Noriega was still around. He would have sang “Material Girl” as his inspiration song.
So, let’s get to my bottom 3:
Syesha Mercado – Believe by Fantasia? I believe you are going home Syesha thanks to that song selection. I mean…
Carly Smithson – These people need to stop doing Queen songs! Just stop!
Brooke White – I’m totally getting sick of her “oh, I’m sorry” pout and frown.
I think it’s Syesha’s turn to take Kristy Lee’s bullet. Elimination won’t actually happen until Thursday night. The 10-hour long Idols Give Back is tonight. Pass me the fucking crackers. This is going to be a cheese-fest.
Below is Jason Castro’s lovely lullaby that had me reaching for the bong and craving pineapple kabobs.