Dumped Over Text

Carrie Underwears was at Idol Gives Back last night where she seemed annoyed when asked about her split with that frosty homo Chace Crawford. Carrie chirped that it was soooo long ago and they broke up via text message, so it wasn’t even that big of a deal.

She told Extra, “We broke up over text so… it’s like ‘peace out.’ I don’t know why it’s all out now, when you break up with somebody and then like two months later it comes out, it’s like you’re rehashing old stuff.” It was probably a short text, “gurl its ova im BI” Freudian slip!

It worked! Doing important shit like this over electronic devices is awesome. Nothing makes me happier than calling in sick through voicemail. The problem is that sometimes your boss picks up. That’s why you have to call at like 5am.

I still think the best way to dump someone is over an expensive dinner. You tell them right before the check comes and they will be so hurt and disgusted with you that they will immediately order you to get the fuck out of their face. Instant free din din!

Here’s Underwears wearing the vomit of a hundred bridesmaid dresses at Idol Gives Back last night.