The Bachelor: I’m Over Shayne

April 1, 2008 / Posted by:

It’s been real, but my week-long love affair with Shayne Lamas has come to an end. How can I even look at her in the eye….on the TV screen…anymore? Last night, she committed an unforgivable sin. Unforgivable I tell you! Shayne finally got her one-on-one date with Matt. They went to taste rotten grapes and Matt again pressured Shayne on who her famous daddy was. I don’t know why Shayne hasn’t told him before? She’s either embarrassed or she’s trying to get him hard with anticipation.

So this is when my heart stopped. Shayne said, “My father’s name is Lorenzo Lamas. He was on this show called Renegade.” Rene-what? Rene-who? Rene-NO! How can you not mention Lorenzo Lamas’ name without mentioning his excellent work in the epic known as “Falcon Crest.” The dude’s name was Lance CUMSON! If that isn’t hot, I don’t know what is. Lorenzo should have his birth certificate permanently changed to Falcon Crest’s Lorenzo Lamas. I mean, it just makes sense!

Not only that, but Shayne coos and purrs way too much for me. Everything is, “Oooooooh Matt.” Bitch please. Shayne can make it up to me by making to hometown dates and getting Shauna Sand to make a cameo. This is the only way Shayne can fix this. It’s not going to happen. Shayne and her 10,000 pairs of pirate boots are going to go home any day now.

The rest of the episode was spent with the other girls hating on Robin. Every season there’s a girl like Robin. The girl that is probably the bitchiest ho in the office back home with the haircut from Master Cuts and the wardrobe from Talbots. A she-devil in Sam & Libby pumps. In the clip below, Robin is going on and on about something, who cares really? This sends Amanda into “meep” overload. I kept waiting for Beaker from The Muppets to pop up on the screen.

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