Maury Is Fucked

March 26, 2008 / Posted by:

Look at this trash right here. I thought buying Pepto-Bismol was humiliating. A take-home DNA test went on sale Tuesday at 4,363 Rite Aid drug stores throughout the United States, except for New York. Yeah, because we’re all innocent virgins here who use condoms and know who fathered our babies.

The DNA test costs $29.95 and it contains a swab, a consent form and an envelope. The swab is used to collect saliva from baby, mommy and possible daddy. You then mail the swab to a lab for an additional $119. It takes 3 to 5 business days to get your results by mail, email or their online service.

The bitch who put this shit out said, “This is for people who are just curious. It is peace of mind for people who want to know but do not want to involve a physician or an attorney. They might want to know the paternity of their child or their own paternity so they can rely on family medical history.”

No, the kit is for straight-up SLUTS! The kit has already been a hit in California, Washington and Oregon where it went on sale in November.

Of course it’s a hit in California. Most of those whorebag celebrities are probably using it. I’m talking to you Jamie Lynn.

Maury better get on this shit right away! It’s fucking with his business. This test might tell you who the father of your child is, but it sounds so much more official when it comes from Maury.


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