Axl, America Is Counting On You

March 26, 2008 / Posted by:

Somebody at Dr. Pepper is a major Axl Rose fan. The company announced that everyone in America, except estranged GNR bandmates Slash and Buckhead, will receive a free can of Dr. Pepper if Axl releases “Chinese Democracy” in 2008. Axl has been working on that shit for over 10 years.

A spokeswhore for the company said, “It took a little patience for us to perfect Dr Pepper’s special mix of 23 ingredients, so we completely understand and empathize with Axl’s question for the perfect album.” The company wants fans to get Axl to release the album already.

Is Dr. Pepper going to throw a shot of vodka in there, because I just might need it after listening to Axl’s album. Actually, throw two shots in there. The extra one is to ease the pain my eyes are feeling after looking at that recent picture of Axl. Dayum!

I don’t know what Dr. Pepper has to do with Axl Rose, but I’ll take it. I need my free can of sodie pop now! I really want to make Dr. Pepper Cake! Have you eaten this shit? It’s a slice of heaven. Unfortunately, it makes your ass deliver a slice of hell if I ain’t being too subtle.

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