Some nerds at the New England Historic Genealogical Society in Boston have discovered that Barack Obama is a distant cousin of Brad Pitt. They also discovered that Angie Jolie is a distant cousin of Hillary Clinton. Oh no! A political war is going to tear Brangelina’s blessed union to shreds.
Hills is also a distant cousin of Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morisette. Obama is also releated to six president including Dubya.
One of Hillary’s bitches said, “You’d think with all that singing talent in the family she’d be able to carry a tune. But now it makes much more sense how she snagged a Grammy.”
I’m probably related to both Obama and Hills! Fuck, we’re all related. We’re all related and we’re all fucking each other. This means we’re all committing incest. You nasty bitches!
I think I’ll spend my weekend trying to figure out how the hell I’m related to Bill Gates. This way I’ll have a good reason to knock on his door and hit him up for some real cash.