Last week, Ethan Hawke took part in the 24-Hour Plays in NYC. The show is a series of one-acts and during each play a performer will come out and entertain the audience with a quick song. One of the performers was Ethan Hawke. A writer from New York Magazine was there and said the audience was shocked when Ethan came out, but they were even more shocked with the song he chose to sing.
Ethan told everyone, “Someone I know wrote this song while shooting a movie in Paris during his divorce.” Of course that someone was him and he was talking about his divorce to Uma Thurman. Ethan then broke into song where he called Uma a “big fat beast.”
He proceeded to sing a ditty that included lyrics about “not caring if [he] ever saw New York again,” “the lawyers,” and — most telling — “my wife.” Uma! “My wife hates me,” he sang, adding something about how she would call him a prick, how he longed to send for his children, tralalala singing stuff. We were intoxicated, both with beverages and with memories of Dead Poets Society. And then! “My wife is a big fat beast,” he sang. We gasped, along with the rest of the audience. He called Uma fat! In public! Sheepishly, Hawke broke his musicianly stride: “Yeah, I was very upset at the time.” And still is, we suspect.
That’s pretty fucking funny, because didn’t Ethan cheat on Uma with the nanny? The writer is right. The bitch is still upset. While Ethan was singing that song in a dark theater, I’m sure Uma was sucking champagne off her millionaire boyfriend’s dick while riding in his private jet. Revenge is so sweet.
Ethan needs to take a good look at his crater face in the mirror and ask himself who the real beast is? I’d still hit it though. Well, he was so fucking hot in Reality Bites.
Here’s some pics of Ethan and Uma during the happy days. She was never a big fat anything. Beast maybe, but definitely not fat.