Meet the two latest skanks that will be joining us on our bus ride to Hell. 24-year-old Crystal Rowland and 28-year-old Matthew Pearce were arrested in Sanderson, FLA (It’s always Forida!) for fucking in church.
Police received a call about a suspicious outside the Mount Zion Primitive Baptist Church. When they entered the church they found Crystal behind the altar. They later found Matthew practically naked underneath the church. Cops also found red wax splattered all over the altar. They suspected the two sluts had moved the candles from inside the church.
When police asked Crystal why they were fucking in church, she said they wanted a “spiritual and sexual experience.” Somebody needs to tell that bitch that screaming “Oh God” while getting it in church is far from a spiritual experience.
The two were charged with criminal mischief and burglary. Matthew is also a registered sex offender. Lovely.
The quotes from the Deacon of the church are the best! Deacon Lonzie Altman said, “Her drawers were in the stands. Her brazier was over on the outside the stands. I don’t know what has become of the people that somebody would just do something like that in a church. Don’t think that the lord ain’t got something for them.” Drawers! Braziers! Deacon Lonzie obviously doesn’t know about a little thing called meth. It screws up your brains and makes you do ungodly things!
I’m pretty sure the lord has nothing to say to them. How is he going to look them in the eye without laughing. He’s seen their nasty business!