The first episode of the new of “The Bachelor” is always one of the greatest TV events of the year. The show gets boring after that, but the first episode is definitely the star. Last night was no exception. We met the bachelor who is some banker dude or something from England. Who really cares about him!
The rest of the night was more like “Whore’s Got Talent” than a dating show. Some girls tried to impress him with their lame talents. One sang, one crushed a can with her mouth, one played the clarinet and one arm-wrestled him. Their talents were still no match for the greatest trick of the night….STACEY! Stacey was the 26-year-old graduate student from Chicago who got drunk as fuck. The words that came out of her mouth were amazing. There were so many great moments, so I’ve put it in a list! Lists are good. Here’s my Top 10 (in no particular order) best moments from last night.
1. The entire existence of Stacey
2. Stacey giving her panties to the bachelor
3. Stacey saying she wants to discover a medicine that will cure something nobody has ever thought of before
4. Stacey passing out on a mattress in the bathroom
5. Erin bitching out Stacey while applying her lip gloss – She then places her lip gloss in her side boob after saying Stacey is not “classy”
6. Finding out Shayne is Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter (unfortunately, Shauna Sand is not her mother)
7. Marshana showing up wearing a sari she made herself
8. Finding out the girls’ ages, because most of them don’t look a day under 40
9. Denise admitting she used to work for George Bush and Karl Rove (boner killer)
10. Amanda R and her chronic hiccups
The worst moment of the night came when Stacey was not given a rose. How can they do this? She is the star of the season! Think of what could have been. It breaks my heart.
Below is a video of Stacey’s finest moments!