There’s a lot of you out there that explode in fits of pleasure just by hearing the name Jake Gylleenhaal, so here he is. I haven’t seen that hot bitch for a while. He was photographed leaving the dentist. I’m trying to figure out what’s on his t-shirt. I don’t think there’s anything to figure out. It’s like the Rorschach Test. I see two little seahorses kissing each other.
In other Jakey G news, a source told UsWeekly that Kiki Dunst’s hard partying totally turned Jake off. When they broke up, she was so beat up about it that she partied more. Damn, is his dick that good? Yeah, like they had sex. Silly me. He was probably just a really good shopping partner. Good shopping partners are hard to find.