Reese Doesn’t Know The Meaning

February 12, 2008 / Posted by:

Reese Witherspoon is out whoring her new movie “Penelope” about a pig-faced bitch who goes through life being an outcast. No, it’s not about Posh. Christina Ricci plays Penelope. Anyway, Reese said that she wishes her kids will be bullied and teased in school, because she thinks it’s important. She said she was teased for being short and for wearing coke bottle glasses.

She said, “Those are sort of formative experiences. I wouldn’t want my children to miss out on any of that teasing and bullying. Don’t you think it kind of makes you who you are — when you don’t make the soccer team?”

She also doesn’t think kids should be overpraised, “That’s the thing that drives me crazy about today: Everybody wins the award, everybody’s the MVP? No! They’re not, OK? I distinctly recall the two weeks of crying because I didn’t make the volleyball team. But it made me interesting, you know?” Everybody does win awards and Reese is proof of that. I mean, she won an Oscar for talking low and dying her hair brown.

Reese has no idea what real teasing is. I’ll show her what real teasing is. Real teasing rips you a part and turns you into either a bitch with a cause or a total wallflower. That’s how I learned how to be such a bitter bitch and how to run fast. I would get teased daily for being such a beautiful fairy princess, so I would tell them to “shut the fuck up” and then I would run my ass out of there. That shit is not fun.

I doubt Reese’s kids will be bullied or teased. I’ve seen them and they look pretty perfect to me. They are the ones that will probably be the bullies. Well, unless they tell their classmates their mommy is dating Jake Gyllenhaal. The kids will yell, “Ahahaha! Your mommy is dating a fairy princess!


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