RadarOnline posted a few questions from that questionnaire the Scientologists give you during your audit. They use your answers to see how clean you are or something like that. It’s creepy. There’s 343 questions on the thing and they ask you the questions while you’re hooked up to an E-Meter. It’s like a polygraph machine. The questions are bizarre and apparently real, but I would expect nothing less. Radar only posted a few questions and here’s a few of them with my answers:
Have you ever enslaved a population?
Yes, I had crabs once. Only once. Okay twice, but it’s all cleared up now. I promise.
Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
No, I’m usually naked for sex.
Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
Yeah, I made one of those solar system things out of Styrofoam balls in elementary school. It was killer, but that dumb skank Armando won first place. He’s a stupid whore.
Have you ever exterminated a species?
Um…duh. I already told you about the crabs. Fuck! Are you stupid or something?
Have you ever set a booby trap?
Sick! I’m strictly dickly.
Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Have you ever castrated anyone?
Only that once, but I really needed the money. The loonies you meet on Craigslist. I tell you.
Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
Anything about the crabs, because we talked about that too much already. You’re making me fel bad about myself.
Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
Only while on acid
Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
FUCK!!! I already told you not to ask me about the crabs! I’m done with you!
That was fun. The Scientologists should put out a game! It would be a hit at parties. Get drunk and answer the crazy alien questionnaire.
Visit Radar to read the other questions. They are fucked.