Horsey In Lingerie

Heidi Montag is showing off what money can buy in Februay’s Maxim. Heidi looks like she was made out of old silicone taken from 20-year-old implants. She is not hot. I know straight dudes find her hot, but straights dudes also do sex with goats sometimes. Gay men prefer cucumbers. Well! Sometimes that’s the only thing around.

Heidi also spoke to the magazine about her show. When asked how real “The Hills is, she said, “The Hills is a show that’s 22 minutes long about seven people’s lives. It’s edited for drama, and there are editors and story lines. If someone walks in front of the camera, we have to redo the shot. So it’s not exactly how things always are. It’s not like The Truman Show. They’re not with us all the time, although I wish they were, because it would be a way crazier show. Let’s see how Lauren would look then!”

And what does she think of Lauren? “She’s changed. Some people go more Hollywood than others. We’re from different backgrounds. She grew up in that spoiled Laguna world, and I grew up with humble beginnings. She’s very controlling. She was crazy about how much time I spent with Spencer, and I had to see her every day. I’ve heard from other people that she’s a big diva now. “Insiders” say.”

Just STFU already! Go to the damn plastic surgeon again and have him sew your mouth shut permanently. Put it on my tab.