Father Of The Year

September 16, 2007 / Posted by:
Michael Lohan recently paid a visit to Lindsay Lohan in the tank. The two have not seen each other in two years or something. Michael SOLD told his story to The News of the World and the interview is filled with a whole lot of bullshit from Lindsay crying in her daddy's arms to Lindsay saying she's going to quit Hollywood. Where's her drug money going to come from. 
"As soon as I arrived Lindsay rushed into my arms, then curled up on my lap and sobbed like a baby."
She was sniffing your lap for a little of the white stuff! She knows you're carrying. 
"Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been addicted to drugs but please believe me I will never do drugs again. She said she does not want to live in Hollywood as that is where this evil in her life happens."
The evil happens! You hear that Britney? Lindsay's probably going to move to Colombia instead. Straight to the source.
"She said, ‘I hate Hollywood and I don't want to work there. I need a break and I am moving away'. I will stop hanging round with people who are bad for me'." 
Your mommy, your daddy, yourself! Good luck with that.
"Lindsay said since me and her mum had split her life had just not been the same. My heart ached and I was racked with guilt when she said, ‘I just wanted my Mummy and Daddy back'.
Mummy?! Bitch ain't British!
"She said the pain of our separation led her to do drugs and alcohol because she just wanted to numb the pain and drown her sorrows."
And it made taking it in the butt easier. Seriously, coke on the butt lips helps numb the pain. So I've heard…..
"When she is not writing, she helps look after the horses stabled nearby. Every day she helps muck them out, feed them and ride them."
And then she sucks them off. Damn this is easy.
"She has taken up gardening and loved showing me the roses she helps look after. These are things normal people take for granted, but things which Lindsay has not done for a long time because she has been wasted on drugs. I have seriously not seen her this happy in years."
And then she sucks the roses off.
"Lindsay and I both pray Britney can turn her life around too."
OH LORD! You've said it all. END TAPE!
By the way is Michael Lohan just a little hot? I mean…just a little. Oh damn, I've gone too far now. I need Jesus! I'm off to church to wash my sins. It could take a while. See you next Fall!
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