Joan On Linda And It Isn’t Pretty
Linda arrives at first rehearsal with cosmetic-surgery tape over and under her eyelids and underneath her chin. Naturally, the cast all pretend to ignore this, but it's obvious she's come straight from either the face-lift shop or a car crash. She also has the weirdest collagen-enhanced lips I've ever seen. In fact, she epitomises the expression 'trout pout', with those huge lips that make her look like a gargoyle when she smiles. It's quite off-putting to have to look at that face, which used to be so pretty, and pretend not to notice.Everyone who sees Linda is shocked by how she's spoiled her looks.
First preview. Linda's supposed to give me a gentle push, which appears to propel me off a coffee table and on to the floor. Unfortunately, her confidence has grown so much that she gives me an almighty shove that sends me flying on to my knees. The thud is so resounding that I hear the audience gasp in sympathy. (For the next six weeks, I need therapy on my left knee for the bursitis and pain caused by the impact of my whole weight falling on it.) I note that Linda hasn't even asked if I'm OK – it's as if nothing has happened.
Linda almost killed Joan! I'm surprised Joan didn't say that Linda tried to murder her in front of everyone!
Linda scrapes a spoon across my chin on stage while I'm speaking. This really pisses me off. You never invade another actor's space.
She's right, except these two whores aren't actors!
You could leave the theatre and have a three-course dinner during the pauses that Linda leaves between her lines.
This shit is getting better and better.
She's always talking about "motivation" and the "objective of the scene" – as if she's Dame Edith Evans and the play is Tolstoy. Tonight, she tries to upstage me by mugging (making faces) during my big speech! Unbelievable.
And Joan is going on and on like she's the fucking Jews and Linda is Hitler!
Joan Collins is the hottest bitch that God ever created! Basically, Joan is a gift and can do nothing wrong. Read the entire thing, because she bitches about everyone and anything!
Source: Daily Mail