Keep Fooling Yourself, Sweetheart

February 6, 2007 / Posted by:

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Ted Haggard Convinced He’s Now Completely Heterosexual

Ted Haggard is gayer than Clay Aiken at an Oscar party! He is now convinced that he’s rid himself of the homosexual and is now free to be with women. Rev. Ted Haggard sought counseling from the church when it learned that he was boinking a male hooker. reports:

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday’s edition.

“He is completely heterosexual,” Ralph said. “That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.”

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

“If we’re going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly,” he said. “We’re into this thing over 90 days (since allegations surfaced) and it hasn’t happened.”

Ted and his wife (yeah she didn’t leave his ass) are planning to move to Missouri or Iowa. Why, do they have good glory holes there?

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